Awakened Relating by Lynn Marie Lumiere

Author:Lynn Marie Lumiere
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2018-05-15T16:19:45+00:00

Practicing Awakened Relating

Rupert: Resolving Conflict in True Intimacy

In the following conversation with Rupert, a nondual spiritual teacher, he speaks of being with conflict within the context of the true intimacy of our shared Being. This involves knowing that the conflict is arising from each of our conditioned identities. When we are viewing the conflict from this knowing, we do not try to resolve it on the level of our conditioning and we clearly see that the resolution or dissolution of the conflict happens in a meeting of true intimacy.

Rupert: Knowing one’s true nature does not mean that there are no conflicts. But it does change how one approaches them. If both parties know that their essential nature is unconditioned awareness, then it is clear that these conflicts are occurring between what is conditioned in each of them. It is a “clash of planets,” so to speak. What both parties essentially are cannot be in conflict. And the resolution of conflicts is not in working out the conditioned problems, although there is, of course, a place for exploring conditioned problems. Problems are truly solved by accessing that within us that is inherently free of conflict. That is the “placeless” place of true intimacy and the source of resolution. If each party stands knowingly as that, any further conversation about the conditioned aspects of the conflict stands the best possible chance of reaching a resolution in an intelligent, efficient, and loving way.

The place where all problems are resolved is in true intimacy, which means the loss of boundaries and the loss of that which defines us and makes it seem like we are something that is temporary and limited.

If one is in a relationship where both parties know how to meet in true intimacy, then that is the source of continual renewal in the friendship. It is a renewal that does not exclude conflicts, but puts them in context. There will nearly always be some amount of conflict on the level of form because forms are separate; they are not merged. On that level, there will always be issues of some sort to explore and work with. But, if those issues are worked out in the context of true intimacy and we know that meeting in intimacy is the way conflicts are really resolved (or dissolved), then that is the source or wellspring of the relationship. In this way, the relationship is not a battle between two conditioned forms or egos trying to derive happiness from each other. The secret of relationship and the source of its freshness and renewal is to know where to find intimacy—­not in the object and not in the other.

LML: Can you give an example of how this understanding would appear in relationship when a conflict arises?

Rupert: For instance, if you are in a conflict with your intimate partner, the conflict is always a clash of conditioning, a clash of conditioned thoughts and feelings, which, by definition, are conditioned because they have form. Any conflict can only be between two different forms of conditioning.

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